Anxiety, relationships and adulting

Well, it’s been quite a week in Amelia’s world. Settle in, grab your cup of dark coffee (because that’s what you all drink in my mind), and let me tell you all about it. 

I write my columns on Tuesdays, since the newspaper gets sent in for publishing on Wednesday. So while you all read this on Friday or Saturday, there’s much that happens in between the writing and the reading. Last Wednesday was a doozie. 

While Wednesdays are my long days, with three classes, work meetings, and editing for the Daily, this Wednesday was even more stressful than usual. 

After my typical work meeting and editing, I had another meeting with the editors to talk about the story I had been working on concerning suicides on the Washington Avenue Bridge. With such a sensitive topic, we had many discussions to make sure everything was done correctly, ethically, and with the safety of our readers in mind. Last Wednesday’s meeting was our last one to discuss the story, and it has since finally been published. 

The meeting was fine and not necessarily the part of the day that made it so stressful, though. Right as I left work, I headed to my boyfriend’s house to, sadly, break up with him. There was nothing that happened to provoke it, I just wasn’t feeling great about the relationship and knew it would be better if we decided to go our separate ways. He’s a great guy, though, and made breaking up with him surprisingly easy, as he was very mature about it (unlike my previous ex, who cried and spent an hour trying to dissuade me from breaking up with him). So I had to deal with that after my long day. My roommate and I went to get ice cream later; that milkshake really hit the spot. 

Thursday was again a long day, which I guess I shouldn’t necessarily complain about considering many people have long days every day. Bear with me, though. 

After class, the other editor-in-chief candidates for the Daily and I were invited to attend the Daily’s board meeting, which happened at the Star Tribune office in Minneapolis. We all went, listening as board members discussed sales and our budget; there was even a hearty exchange about whether they should pay the employees more (since many times the work we put in is not reflected in our paychecks). Very interesting stuff, although I learned later I was the only one who thought so; some of the candidates expressed either feeling uncomfortable or simply not wanting to be there. 

After the meeting, we all went to a pub across the street to order pizza and get dinner, which was really fun. It felt very adult to have a company dinner after an important meeting. The “kids,” a.k.a the college students in attendance, all decided to go to Como Tap after the dinner as well, and since I was being driven by one of the people going, I also went along. It was a lot of fun learning more about my colleagues and talking about things unrelated to work, but it went further into the night than I had necessarily hoped. 

Friday was spent doing last-minute story interviews and writing a story for the Daily, but the day came with emotional pain. After attending a friend’s get-together, one of my best friends (also my ex boyfriend - weird, I know) decided we couldn’t be friends anymore. I didn’t realize just how close we had been before becoming “exfriends” until a couple of days later when I walked by him in the street, smiled and waved, and he blatantly ignored me. Ouch. Like, I know we decided we would not be friends anymore, but that doesn’t mean he should be rude and ignore my existence. 

With the loss of a boyfriend and best friend, I had an interesting couple of days, being unnecessarily anxious about the relationships I had left. But I already knew that I have an anxious attachment style with my friends; I had learned about that in therapy. An anxious attachment style when it comes to relationships means having a sort of fear of abandonment, and seeking closeness in a relationship to ensure its safety or security. 

Anyway, that’s about it. I guess it doesn’t sound that bad written down on paper, but it’s been an interesting week for me.

My Determination: "I manage because I have to. Because I've no other way out. Because I've overcome the vanity and pride of being different. I've understood that they are a pitiful defense against being different.” – Geralt of Rivia, The Last Wish