A century farm

ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING

  I was going to get a new car, but I decided not to.

  You couldn’t find the perfect car?

  I didn’t need to. The check engine light on my current vehicle finally burned out.

 

DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE

  I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. Minnesota is known for having crummy weather. That might be a fair or an unfair assessment. If you visit the warmer parts of this country, the residents there might wince when they mention the Gopher State’s winter weather. Winter weather isn’t a problem when it comes time for the county fairs to arrive at a gallop, and a family’s diet plan involves sticks. Omnivores become carnievores who stroll past cows that are enjoying their favorite fair food—hay. A fair is a place for lollygagging and exhibiting gluttony. I walked by a ride on the midway that I found frightening, and it wasn’t even operating.

 

I’VE LEARNED

  To remember the five types of Pacific salmon (chinook or king, coho or silver, sockeye or red, pink or humpback, and chum or dog), use the "5 Finger Method." Associate each finger with a salmon type: thumb for chum, index finger for sockeye (poke in the eye), middle finger for king (the largest salmon), ring finger for silver (like a ring), and pinky for pink.

 

  Sometimes it’s worth going into a store just for the air conditioning.

 

  Older people might develop health problems because they have eaten too much angel food birthday cake with melted candle wax on it.

 

  When you decide to rest on your laurels, make sure they aren’t poison ivy.

 

  The world’s largest American coot statue is in Ashby, Minnesota. Coots Unlimited is the local sportsmen's club with the objective to foster, encourage, promote, educate and develop an appreciation for conservation practices.

 

  There is an easy way to tell if your house is haunted or not. It’s not.

 

  According to the Social Security Administration, the most popular baby names for 2024 were Liam for the eighth year in a row for boys, and Olivia for the sixth year in a row for girls. Emma was second for girls and Amelia third. Noah was the second most popular for boys, and Oliver third.

 

  Spiders have eight eyes, making it difficult for a young spider to keep its eyes on its own paper in school.

 

  I was blown away when I saw my first wind turbine.

 

BAD JOKES DEPARTMENT

  What is the heaviest soup? Wonton.

 

  What do you call an extremely fast alligator? An insta-gator!

 

  The woman who stole the lamp from a home improvement store received a light sentence.

 

  If there is one thing I can’t deal with, it’s a deck of cards that have been glued together.

 

  Why aren’t koalas bears? It’s because they don’t have the necessary koalafications.

 

  During my physical exam, my doctor checked my eyesight by having me read the numbers on a chart on the wall. “One, two, three, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,”  I read.

 

When I asked for my diagnosis, the MD told me I lacked foresight.

 

THE NEWS FROM HARTLAND HAROLD

  There was a century farm celebration at the Darwyn and Donna Olson Farm. A good time was had by all. The two are delightful people, but Donna is far from 100 years old.

 

NATURE NOTES

  There is plenty of insect pressure (mosquitoes, gnats, deer flies and stable flies) this year, but there is plenty of insect pleasure, too. Fireflies and monarch butterflies are headliners. A summer azure is a tiny powder blue butterfly that flies in June, July and August, much to my delight.

 

  Tree swallows are staging on utility wires before beginning their fall migration in July and August, heading for Florida and Central America. They gather to reason together.

 

 I spotted two barred owls near one another. I suspect they were in cahoots. The owls have asymmetrical ears, with one higher than the other. Hearing from two different angles helps them pinpoint the location of prey.

 

  There are chiggers in Minnesota. I taste just like chicken to them. Their bites get in all kinds of places on a body. Chiggers go boldly where no one has gone before. Chiggers are larval forms of a mite. They don’t drink our blood or burrow into our skin, but they have a taste for dissolved body tissues. Putting fingernail polish or petroleum jelly on the bites doesn’t help anyone except the manufacturers of those products. Chiggers like heat and humidity. Tall grass, moist areas around lakes or rivers, and wooded areas are likely to harbor chiggers. The bites of chiggers itch enough to keep a mind preoccupied. I take my mind off the itching with an intentional earworm, forcing a song to stick in my head. “It’s a Small World” works well.

 

MEETING ADJOURNED

  It’s your right to be kind to everyone.