Waseca County Pioneer 111 W. Elm Ave.

Waseca, MN (507) 837-6767


I don't have the humidity to admit it

Echoes from the Loafer’s Club Meeting
 Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
 Wife: I clean the toilet.
 Husband: How does that help?
 Wife: I use your toothbrush.
Driving by Bruce's drive
 I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Deep thoughts occur as I drive past his drive. Most of the old farm buildings had disappeared long ago, but the lilacs and their lovely scent persisted. The lilacs told me this place had once been someone’s dream. I walked by an old chicken coop, which laid in ruins. Had it had four doors, it would have been a chicken sedan.
 I remember when a cute little weasel got into our henhouse. How did it get in? I suspect it weaseled its way in. My father and I heard the ruckus and rode in like the cavalry, but it had dispatched a young chicken. Dad didn’t swear. He used substitute phrases like “Cheese and crackers” and “For Pete’s sake.” He used one on the weasel.
 I just watched a movie. There were no substitute cusswords. It would have taken a lot of soap to wash those mouths out. 
I must be leaving 
 One of legendary comedian Groucho Marx’s most famous numbers was featured in the Marx Brothers' second film, “Animal Crackers.” In the movie, he played Captain Spaulding, an explorer for whom a grand gala was being thrown upon his return from Africa.  He sang, ‘Hello, I must be going. I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I'm glad I came but just the same, I must be going!’”
 I was going, but I’d forgotten something in my car that I needed to give to someone inside. I plucked it from my vehicle and walked back towards the restaurant when I heard a woman’s voice say, “Don’t move!” Had an undercover FBI agent finally tracked me down? No, a worker from the eatery was about to put a bag of trash into a dumpster, and she needed to swing it in order to get enough momentum to deposit it in that tall receptacle. She didn’t want to hit me in the head. At least, that’s what she said.
A married couple tries to leave the house
 Could you give me the house keys? I forgot my camera.
 You always forget something.
 That’s true. Do you want me to get your coffee mug, too?
Bad jokes department
 What do you call a walleye in the desert? A walleye.
 What do you call a device that allows you to see through walls? A window.
 Ole’s hobby was calling one hotel chain and when someone answered, “Best Western,” Ole said, “True Grit.”
 The lumberjack knew how many trees he’d cut down because he kept a log.
 Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Order one of each from Amazon and see. 
I’ve learned
 It bothers me when people use the wrong words but don’t have the humidity to admit it.
 My new pen writes underwater and other words, too.
 I tried to catch a little bunny in the yard, but I couldn’t keep up with it. It must have been the one Elton John was singing about: “It’s a little fit bunny.”
 I called Siri “Alexa.” Now neither one is speaking to me.
 If you haven’t tried blindfolded archery, you don’t know what you’re missing.
 Alligators can grow up to 12 feet, but I’ve never seen one with over four.
Nature notes
 The alarm sounded. A rooster pheasant had crowed “cow-cat.” The Nyjer feeders were weighed down with a gazillion lemony goldfinches—maybe fewer. I listened to a brown thrasher sing about his experiences. His song was a clear and melodious set of repeated phrases sung with gusto, with one mnemonic spoofing a phone conversation, “Hello! Hello! Yes, yes. Who is this? Who is this? I should say! I should say! How’s that? How’s that?” Bald eagles and turkey vultures are both scavengers and soar on thermals. They could unknowingly help the other find food. An eagle might catch a fish or other prey item and not clean its plate, leaving tidbits for a vulture. Vulture talons aren’t meant for transporting food, so they carry it in their crops to regurgitate for their ravenous chicks. The vulture may look ominous when standing in a spread-winged stance called the horaltic pose, but the stance likely serves multiple functions: drying the wings, warming the body and baking off bacteria.
Meeting adjourned
 The African philosophy of ubuntu is a concept in which relationships with other people shape the sense of self. I am only because we are. Be kind.


Copyright 2022 Waseca County Pioneer
103 S. State Street
Waseca, MN

(507) 837-6767


All Rights Reserved

Comment Here