An Irish possum

ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING

I’m staying busy.

Oh, yeah? Doing what?

Trying to look busy.

 

DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. Spring is when you can step outside, and char your rear end while freezing your nose at the same time. A silly old poem I learned in my boyhood is “Spring is sprung, the grass is riz. I wonder where the birdies is. They say the birdies on the wing, but that’s absurd. I always thought the wing was on the bird.”

 

Spring is when my entire world chirps. I saw the first returning robin of the spring. He was easy to see. He had his tongue stuck to a flagpole.

 

I was a couple of days younger than I am today when I grew weary in the afternoon. I was tired but wasn’t sure why. Then I realized the cause. It was all the walking I’ve done, and I’m not even counting moonwalking. I’d walked and talked, and I walked the line, on sunshine, on the water, on by, the walk, on, on eggshells, tall, in Memphis, like a man, by myself, like an Egyptian, in your shoes, to New Orleans, on life, this way, it off, on the wild side, after midnight, the floor over you, the dog, and done some of it shuffling off to Buffalo while wearing boots that were made for walking—and other songs I’ve forgotten. Uffda! No wonder I was tired.

 

I’VE LEARNED

All the good chemistry jokes argon.

 

I went to the Helium Museum. I can’t speak highly enough about that place.

 

Twist ties change direction in mid-twist or mid-untwist.

 

I put a bow on my wife’s old car and gave it to her for her birthday. She was surprised.

 

BAD JOKES DEPARTMENT

An opossum is an Irish possum.

 

Someone born in '33 was 45 in '78. That has got to be a record.

 

My father said, "When one door closes, another door opens." He was a wonderful man, but a terrible cabinetmaker.

 

How do you get red wine out of a carpet? You don’t. You get red wine out of grapes.

 

NATURE NOTES

The shadows were bending in the afternoon under the weight of the sun when I heard the dark-eyed juncos making toy ray gun sounds. Pew, pew, pew! The gray birds with white bellies and outer tail feathers are called snowbirds because they usher in the snow. The junco, looking like a gray bird that crash-landed in a can of white paint, is a common spring and fall migrant throughout Minnesota and Iowa, and a common winter visitor in all of Iowa and the southern part of Minnesota. A junco’s eyes are dark, and the bill is a light pink. Females are a lighter gray. I see more of the darker-colored males than the females during the winter. Females are more common in the southern states, overwintering as far as northern Mexico. The males risk harsh winters in the north in order to get a head start on the spring journey back to their breeding territories in northeastern Minnesota and Canada. They are sometimes accompanied by American tree sparrows that appear to be wearing tie tacks without neckties. It’s a good look and one I may emulate. This sparrow breeds across northern Canada and Alaska, and despite having "tree" in its name, it’s a ground bird. It forages and nests on the ground.

 

A reader asked where goldfinches first show spring colors? That’s a tough question about a wild canary that refuses to answer questions. You’d think the state bird of Iowa would be more forthcoming. This is a wild guess, but I am going to say Dublin, Georgia. Yeah, that’s it, Dublin, Georgia. I’ll bet yellow feathers abound there. Oh, wait a second. My sweet wife, The Queen B, just told me that this was a plumage question and not a geographical question. I told her I knew that. Please don’t tell her anything different. It’ll be our little secret. There are many colors on a bird’s palette. The first signs of a male American goldfinch’s molt into a breeding plumage show around the head. The pale edges of the wing feathers wear and fade, and the bill color begins changing to a pale orange. This progresses with more yellow and black feathers around the head and more yellow on the body. It creates expectations, and I welcome the sight of the tiny birds that have become flying dandelions.

 

MEETING ADJOURNED

"The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day He created Spring."—Bernard Williams. Be kind.