The junk drawer

ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING

  I have three chickens in my backyard. One hen lays brown eggs.

  That’s not unusual.

  Oh, no? Could you do it?

 

DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE

  I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. Another wonderful neighbor, Jared Knutson, sent me a video of an eastern cottontail trying to hide in a harvested cornfield. What was it hiding from? It feared the two adult bald eagles that had a hankering for a bunny meal. The rabbit didn’t initiate the attack. Those two eagles, with white heads and white tails, made several attempts at capturing the rabbit, but were unsuccessful. The eagles have been followers of Jared’s harvest activities for several years, knowing that Jared would roust rabbits from their hiding places.

 

  Years ago, a red-tailed hawk followed my farm equipment around the field, hankering to take the voles and mice I’d exposed out to lunch. Farm equipment is much larger today, necessitating Jared’s upgrade from a hawk to two eagles.

 

CORNELIUS ROOSTER

As I drove through Northfield, the smell of toasting grain wafted my way. Post owns the MOM (Malt-O-Meal) Brands of cereals produced in Northfield, but it’s Battle Creek, Michigan, that’s known as the "Cereal Capital of the World" because it’s the birthplace of two major cereal companies, Post and Kellogg's.

 

A mascot for Kellogg’s, Cornelius “Corny” Rooster, has a green body, red comb, yellow beak and multicolored tail. He promotes the advantages of a Kellogg’s breakfast with his friendly attitude and healthy appearance. “Nothing gets you crowing in the morning like Kellogg’s Corn Flakes!”

 

Wheaties was invented in 1921 when a clinician for the Washburn Crosby Company (Minneapolis) accidentally spilled wheat bran onto a hot stove. After many attempts to fortify the cereal to withstand shipping, Gold Medal Whole Wheat Flakes were released in 1924. A contest led to the name Wheaties. In 1926, Wheaties was featured in the first prerecorded radio jingle, “Have You Tried Wheaties?” on station WCCO (named for Washburn-Crosby Company). Washburn-Crosby merged with three other mills and was renamed General Mills in 1928. The cereal was featured on a billboard, with the tagline “The Breakfast of Champions,” for the Minneapolis Millers baseball team and sponsored that team’s broadcasts on WCCO.

 

I’VE LEARNED

  Our clocks go back soon, but I don’t remember where I bought them.

 

  If you want a dollar’s worth of gas, buy a few radishes.

 

  If you see lions, tigers and bears, you’re at an animal sanctuary or a zoo.

 

  I needed a twist tie. I found one in the junk drawer next to the broken pliers and an ancient, floppy, round piece of textured rubber meant to help open jars while promoting a funeral home.   

 

  Dr. Frankenstein found the brain for his monster in the junk drawer.

 

  Age isn’t just a number. It’s a word.

 

  We need conspiracy theories that promote joy and optimism.

 

BAD JOKES DEPARTMENT

  Robert E. Lee had a brother who was never late. His name was Earl Lee.

 

  My neighbor was fired from his job at a dairy farm because he was a danger to himself and udders.

 

  What’s the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire? One steals watches and the other watches steals.

 

  Whoever came up with “a penny for your thoughts” and “I’m being nickel-and-dimed to death” certainly knew how to coin a phrase.

 

  Singing in the shower is great until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

 

NATURE NOTES

  A monarch butterfly was in my yard on October 24. Monarchs migrate between 50-100 miles a day; it can take up to two months to complete the journey. The farthest-ranging monarch butterfly recorded traveled 265 miles in one day. Their arrival in Mexico coincides with the celebration of the Day of the Dead on November 1 and 2. Monarch butterflies cluster in the treetops of sacred fir at the El Rosario Sanctuary, Michoacan, in central Mexico. My yard butterfly is unlikely to join that gathering.

 

  Four young opossums (joeys) fed under the bird feeders. They were cute, and they had 50 teeth each, more than any other American mammal. Opossums are omnivores and eat just about anything, even mustard and sugar sandwiches. I don’t know for sure that they’d eat those sandwiches, but I bet they would. The Virginia opossum is the only marsupial native to North America. Playing possum is an involuntary response to potential predators. An adult opossum weighs 4-14 pounds, and opossums are found from Costa Rica to Ontario and British Columbia.

 

MEETING ADJOURNED

  If we judge others, it reveals more about ourselves than others. Be kind.