Never judge a day by its weather

ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING

I didn’t expect to see you here at Medicine Square Garden.

 

I fell.

 

How did you come to fall?

 

I didn’t come to fall. I came to skate.

 

DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. The weather had been warm enough that I no longer needed to wear a parka indoors. At this time of the year, I become a sentimental fool, a promotion from my usual perch as a mere run-of-the-mill fool, but I’ve lost my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that. I’ve panned for gold. I found little. The guy with me brought his golden retriever. That man found no gold, and his dog retrieved none. I may start panning for mood rings.

 

FROM THOSE THRILLING DAYS OF YESTERYEAR

My mother had cataract surgery. Doctors once used bricked pillows (classy sandbags) to keep patients' heads still during the procedure, preventing movement that could ruin the delicate operation. They told my mother that after the surgery, she’d see cobwebs in her house she’d never noticed before and the world would become a brighter place.

 

As we drove her home, she asked, “How long has that white line been on the road?”

It was a joke that let us know she was still her old self.

 

CARDIAC REHABILITATION

I had surgery recently and have started a cardiac rehab program. I exercise at home, too. I began by standing while holding a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, extending my arms straight out from my sides and holding them there for a minute. Each day, I could hold that position longer. After a couple of weeks, I moved up to 10-pound potato sacks. Then on to 50-pound sacks. Next week, I'll start the process over again with the 5-pound sacks, and this time I’ll put a potato in each.

 

THE CHRISTMAS GOAT

The legend of the julebukk, julbock or Christmas goat goes back to the times of the Norse god Thor, who rode across the sky in a chariot drawn by two goats. In Sweden, the Christmas goat is a beloved Yule symbol that evolved into a mischievous figure who visited homes during Yule to demand gifts or food before morphing into a gift-bringer. The name "Jul" refers to the ancient pagan winter festival known as Yule, celebrated long before the region adopted Christmas. The julbock is a popular Christmas decoration as a straw goat.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S

The small Pacific island nations of Samoa and Kiribati/Christmas Island are the first to see the New Year due to their position on the International Date Line.

 

In Spain, you eat 12 grapes at midnight on New Year's Eve for good luck.

 

I’VE LEARNED

Aurélien conducted a study to identify which states have the highest concentration of dollar stores. The study ranked states based on the number of stores per 100,000 residents. Mississippi was number one. West Virginia came in second, followed by Arkansas, Alabama and Kentucky, with Louisiana, Oklahoma, Tennessee, South Carolina and Missouri rounding out the top 10. Iowa is 11th and Minnesota 33rd.

 

I wonder how messy my desk would be if it weren’t for the cat knocking things to the floor?

 

BAD JOKES DEPARTMENT

"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other."

 

"Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher. "But you have only two ears."

 

"You see, I'm no good at math, either.”

 

How did the snow globe feel at Christmas? A little shaken.

 

How do you invite Santa to a party? You request his presents.

 

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem.

 

NATURE NOTES

The day was not strikingly perfect, but it was the best day available. Dick Van Dyke said, “We should never judge a day by its weather.” That’s good advice, but advice that’s not easily followed.

 

I’d detected the hooting of owls during the night. A pair of great horned owls exchanging “Who's awake? Me too” calls. These owls don’t build their own nests and aren’t significant remodelers of purloined nests. An owl can turn its head 270 degrees.

 

A female downy woodpecker tried to land on me twice while I stood peering through my binoculars and counting birds. Apparently, in my dotage, I’ve come to resemble a lanky bird feeder with numerous construction flaws. It was nice being mistaken for something useful.

 

MEETING ADJOURNED

  "Every time we are kind, every time we are thoughtful, every time we forgive, every time we are generous, it's Christmas."—Mary Davis.

Happy New Year.