No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees... November

Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

  My wife says there are two things wrong with me.

 

  Only two? What are they?

 

  Number one, I don’t listen, and I think she said something else, too.

 

Driving by Bruce's drive

  I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. We’re moving into the time of year when we’re reminded that we have a state bird, a state flower and a state excuse. The state excuse gains prominence when we say things like, “I’ll be there, weather permitting.”

 

  We were having a lovely spell of weather, and I took off in a cloud of whale dust. I needed to visit Hardnose’s Hardware Store, where “Bolts for all and nuts to you” is the motto, to get something that I wasn’t entirely sure what it was. I ran into Crying Charlie, who was limping down an aisle. I asked him what had happened. He told me he’d fallen off a 40-foot ladder. I told him he was lucky he hadn’t broken his neck. “I suppose I am,” he said, “but I was only on the first rung.”

 

  Thanks to a hardware sketch artist, who performed like the finest police artist, and sketched the thingamajig I needed well enough that Hardnose could find it for me.

 

  I went to the Eat Around It Cafe to celebrate the successful procurement of a thingamajig. I sat at a table with Carl Snarl, a curmudgeon who finds something wrong with everything. Carl ordered the two-egg special—one scrambled and the other egg over easy. The waitress, Surly Temple, soon returned with his order and set the plate in front of Carl.

 

  “Take this back. This isn’t what I ordered,” snarled Carl Snarl.

 

  “They’re exactly what you ordered, you old fool. Two eggs—one scrambled and one over easy,” replied Surly Temple.

 

  Carl said, “I can see that, but you scrambled the wrong egg.”

 

I’ve learned

  The State of Minnesota recognizes Spring Grove as the state’s first Norwegian settlement (1852).

 

  WalletHub https://wallethub.com/edu/fattest-states/16585  found that the state with the highest percentage of overweight and obese people is West Virginia, followed by Mississippi and Arkansas. Wisconsin ranked 24th, Iowa 26th, Minnesota 46th, and Colorado 51st.

 

  I came across a letter of credit recommendation dated June 8, 1923, from a banker on behalf of partners in a hardware store, which read, “They are hard workers, are not shiftless or carless, but attend to business.” In 1923, there were 134.9 cars per 1,000 people in the U.S. I feel sorry for the driver of that .9 car. Because there were few automobiles, I’m guessing the banker meant “careless” and not “carless,” but who knows. The main thing was that they weren’t shiftless.

 

Bad jokes department

  To the person who stole my glasses: I’ll find you. I have contacts.

 

  I just bought a reversible jacket. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

 

  Did you hear about the guy who believed only 12.5% of the Bible? He was an eighthiest.

 

  A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago, and it still hurts. I can’t believe it’s not better.

 

  I paid $300 to rent a limo, but that didn’t include the driver. All that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

 

Nature notes

  I came out of an early morning meeting, with numbers swing-dancing their way across my brain, when I heard a nuthatch call, and then another nuthatch called. I knew they were two different nuthatches as one was a red-breasted and the other a white-breasted nuthatch. The red-breasted nuthatch is smaller and has a reddish-orange breast, a black eye stripe, and a white eyebrow. The white-breasted nuthatch has a white breast, a black crown without an eye stripe, and a white face. The white-breasted nuthatch has a louder, lower-pitched and more nasal "yank" call than the red-breasted nuthatch's higher-pitched and reedier call, often described as a "tin horn."

 

  In my house’s version of the wild kingdom, multicolored Asian lady beetles abound. They eat soybean aphids. I wonder if they ever suffer from aphid reflux?

 

 The cloudiest months in Minnesota are November and December. Iowa’s cloudiest month is December, followed by January. Thomas Hood wrote, “No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, no fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds, November!” I find solace in the fact there is no cloud cover charge.

 

Meeting adjourned

  “He who praises another enriches himself far more than he does the one praised. To praise is an investment in happiness. The poorest human being has something to give that the richest could not buy.”—George M. Adams.