Texas: the unlucky state
Thu, 03/19/2026 - 12:00am
ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING
The lottery is up to $496 million.
If you knew you were going to win the lottery, what would you do?
The first thing I’d do would be to buy a ticket.
DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE
I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. By this time of the winter, I hear, “If it’s snowing, I’m not going.” Spring marches in March. I am fond of each day, but some more than others. Meteorological spring begins on March 1 or when the spring equinox falls on March 20, or the day Mother Nature allows us to have it. The real March madness isn't basketball. It's the weather. It makes people mad. Winter can be a sore winner. I pre-shoveled this year. I did all my shoveling right before the latest blizzard when there was no snow on the ground. Easy peasy.
THOSE THRILLING DAYS OF YESTERYEAR IN THREE MEMORIES
I recall riding on the school bus, and pressing my face against a frost-covered window, like an algae-eating aquarium fish, so my breath would allow mirror writing. When I was riding a bus to school on a day I thought should have been a snow day, I used my forefinger to scribble “!qlɘH” in the steam on the window.
Growing up, when foodstuffs tumbled to the floor, we had the 3-second rule in our house. If we picked it up within that time and blew on it (to remove whatever might have climbed aboard), it was OK to eat it. Sugar cookies were subject to a 5-second rule. If no one was watching and the dog didn’t get to the food first, I could pick it up at my leisure and eat it. I was on a dirt diet, but I didn’t know it.
Perpetual towel contraptions were found in public restrooms and gas stations. Metal dispensers allowed users to pull down a fresh section of cloth while the used portion was rolled back into the dispenser. A long roll of clean cloth fed from one spool, passed over a roller, and was collected onto a separate take-up roll in the back. The devices were criticized for being unhygienic when not maintained properly, leading to their replacement by paper towels or air dryers. The lack of maintenance led to a user pulling the cloth, only to find the entire roll had been used and the part available was completely soaked.
I’VE LEARNED
If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies.
Always carry plastic silverware in a sandwich bag. You never know when pie might happen.
Apathy is the leading cause of whatever.
What was more important than the invention of the first telephone? The invention of the second telephone.
The luckiest state is New Hampshire, based on lottery wins, chances of being struck by lightning, cost of living, housing affordability, average credit score, car accident deaths, natural disasters, workplace accidents and divorce rates. Iowa is the second luckiest and Minnesota is third. The unluckiest state is Texas.
BAD JOKES DEPARTMENT
I just flew home from a ravioli convention and Boyardee's arms tired.
How do you turn cake into pie? Measure the ratio of its circumference to its diameter.
Everyone knows about the famous painter Bob Ross, but few have heard about his brother Albert, who was famous for his 6-foot wingspan.
I know only 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
NATURE NOTES
Knock, knock, who’s there? A woodpecker drumming on a tree. Blackbirds and robins filled the cheep seats in the trees. They perform community service by returning in the spring.
Red-winged blackbirds flock together, which is a wing-wing situation. The males return before the females show up. They hurry back to compete for choice territories. They must be aware to survive, so they travel in flocks, which offer more eyes to spot predators and food. Their arrival is a harbinger of spring. The red-winged blackbird could be the most commonly seen bird in the Gopher State. The females, with streaky brown plumages, don’t need to rush as they know there will be males to welcome their triumphant arrival. The males will be singing “Look-at-me” at full throttle.
I kept an ear out and heard sandhill cranes giving voice to a call that stirs the soul. Aldo Leopold wrote this about that sound, “High horns, low horns, silence and finally a pandemonium of trumpets, rattles, croaks and cries that almost shakes the bog with its nearness.”
IN LOCAL NEWS
I visited with Dave Hagen of Blooming Prairie. He’s a graduate of Ellendale, and although he’ll deny it, my former teammate. His son Gabe was an All-American football player at Minnesota State-Mankato in 2024.
I watched the Minnesota State High School Girls’ Basketball Tournament. My granddaughter, Joey Batt, is an assistant coach at Providence Academy, which won its fifth straight state championship. Huzzah!
MEETING ADJOURNED
A kind word is sunshine for the soul.