Words are abstract, numbers are not supposed to be

As it turns out, I am not great with numbers. Or, for that matter, using Google Sheets. 

Last semester I worked really hard on my thesis. A major project was going over what I wanted to research, why, and then explaining in 30 pages with more than 20 outside resources defending my topic. 

This semester, I get to work on reporting the results I found and then explaining what it means in probably ten more pages. But the issue I’m running into is that compiling all the data I collected led to a very large spreadsheet, a chart showing all my numbers and the trends they represent. I have more than 150 columns and 26 rows–3,000 cells of information that I hand collected. This is not meant as a personal pat on the back to me, but to give reference as to how much data I now have the task of analyzing. 

You see, I haven’t had a math class since high school. I limit myself to simple math, like that I use when I work the bar trying to add up prices; even that can be difficult sometimes. Now, I have to review statistics and analyze data, all while trying not to overthink what the numbers mean and whether they prove my point or not. Also, making pivot tables with so much data is confusing. Or maybe it’s just Google Sheets that’s confusing, because the professional data people tend to use Excel. 

But I don’t know what it is with me and numbers. My dad is like a numbers whiz; I see little scratches of angles and numbers and stuff written in his notebook, the backs of envelopes, and scraps of paper around the house. He was the one to help with my elementary/middle school math homework where it got too complicated and different from the way they used to teach it, leading to some difficult conversations. 

But I’ve always been more of a words person. Numbers are supposed to be factual, easy, but then they get confusing. After the easy equations that were fun puzzles in middle school, I gave up hope. Like the 2x = 8 or x - 5 = 10. Those are my jams, the equations that I love. 

Words are known to be abstract. So if numbers are supposed to be concrete, why are they so confusing? You look at it in different ways then you get different things, but there’s only one right answer? It just doesn’t make sense. 

So that’s what I’ve been ruminating on the last couple of days, worrying my professor is going to see the draft of my results and tell me I did my numbers wrong. Another reason why I chose to work with words, not numbers (at least not easy numbers). Are some folks just numbers people and while others are word people? Or is it possible to be good (or bad?) at both? Who knows. Not that it matters really, I just like to think about it. Or overthink about it. 

My Determination: “Jake, piece of advice: Just give up. It’s the Boyle way. It’s why our family crest is a white flag.” — Charles Boyle, Brooklyn Nine-Nine