Making hard decisions at each stage of life

I don’t know why I thought it would get easier. 

 

Life decisions are hard, no matter what stage of life. When you’re young, at least for me, making a decision about life feels daunting and final. You’re told everything you do now affects how your life is going to be when you’re older, so choose wisely. Make sure to choose healthy foods, decide to exercise and do healthy things with your body, and choose a career or education that will make sure you’re successful. You know, the easy things. 

 

When you’re young it feels like grownups always know what to do. They give advice and seem all-knowing. They have years of experience under their belt. Whether the youth decide to listen…But as younger people watch adults in their lives, it seems like grown ups have all the tools to make decisions easier for them. Which I guess is mostly true. 

 

But I realize life decisions never get easier. Financial decisions, family choices, planning for retirement and aging, helping aging parents. The people in the sandwich generation with aging parents and growing children I’m sure have a lot of big life choices and hard decisions to make daily. When do you talk to your parents about finding them a home or help? How do you help your child choose and succeed in college? What’s the best plan for retirement? 

 

Jacks’ mother was in town this past weekend, and Jack had asked her if she had planned on retiring anytime soon. She explained to us how she had met with her financial advisors and talked through what life could look like for her and her husband depending on how much longer she worked and how much they continued to save versus spend. Going through some of the details and thought processes, I realized I had no idea how much goes into it. I thought you just worked until you had enough saved to live comfortably for the rest of your life, but there are so many more considerations. Jack’s mom explained how she wanted to travel once she retired and had time, so even that meant she would have to work longer or save more. 

 

My grandparents have it made — they bought an RV that is small enough for them to handle, and big enough to fit the two of them and the dog comfortably on long road trips. They hop in and off they go, traveling around the country at the pace they want, driving only four to five hours a day and stopping at state parks to explore the land and nature. They spend days, and even weeks if they want, traveling and visiting long-distance family. That’s how I would do it. 

 

Jack’s mom also talked about a family friend of theirs who is worried about her parents as they age in northern Minnesota. The dad is tired of shoveling his driveway and wants to get an apartment so they don’t have to deal with it anymore. But they already live in a one-floor house with a small yard, pretty manageable for an older couple one would think–at least compared to other options. An apartment would possibly include stairs, less space, and about the same amount of cost. 

 

Who knows when it’s the best time to talk to parents about what they want as they grow older? I know some don’t mind going to an assisted-living place for social reasons and to not have to take care of as much stuff. I also know that some are fiercely independent and wish to stay that way, despite the number of health and age factors that might be making it more difficult. 

 

Needless to say, I’m realizing those older than me are sort of just like me — still trying to make their way in life and make hard decisions for them and those they love. Good luck to us. 

 

My Determination: “We always think there's enough time to do things with other people. Time to say things to them. And then something happens and then we stand there holding on to words like 'if'.” ― Fredrik Backman, A Man Called Ove