About to Timbuktu
Thu, 07/09/2026 - 12:00am
ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING
Weasel thinks he’s royalty.
What gave him that idea?
He ate at a Burger King, drank a Royal Crown Cola, went on a Princess Cruise, bought Duke's Mayonnaise, and ate at a Dairy Queen in just two weeks.
DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE
I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. Most people around me had those “Been there, done that” expressions, but others ran the gamut from boredom to panic. I heard uncontrolled sobbing as I made my way through the TSA line at the airport. I reckoned it was coming from the spirits of Orville and Wilbur Wright, the brothers credited with flying the first successful airplane. They were crying to see what their invention had given rise to. It could have been worse. They could have invented the leaf blower. Once I had cleared security, I was hiking around the Atlanta airport when a couple walking ahead of me had some travel papers drop from their satchel. I picked them up, caught up with them, and said, “I think you dropped these.” They didn’t thank me, but the man said, “You’re not from Alabama, are you?” I had no idea what that meant—and I was OK with that.
A ROUNDABOUT TO TIMBUKTU
A friend told me she needed to see her doctor. The fly in the ointment was that the physician had moved his office. She discovered there were three roundabouts on the road to the new location. She took the wrong exit and ended up in Timbuktu. I told her that was a lucky break. Timbuktu is beautiful at this time of the year. I guessed. I’ve not been there. She was on time for her appointment because she’d left enough wiggle room, but she didn’t enjoy being honked at by drivers who knew where they were going. Those other people were happy to have a reason to honk, toot or beep their horns. I can’t remember the last time I honked my horn at another living being.
AT THE POLITE COFFEE SHOP
Everyone says, “Hot enough for you?” I said, “Do the uncomfortable temperatures meet your approval?”
I loitered while waiting for my wife to get a cup of coffee. A kind woman asked, “Are you in line?”
I replied, “I’m not, sorry.”
I apologized for not being in line.
I’VE LEARNED
Store eggs with the pointed end down.
The combined auto insurance and fuel costs as a share of household income is highest in Louisiana, followed by Mississippi and Florida. Residents of New Hampshire pay the lowest, slightly lower than in Massachusetts. Iowa is the 30th lowest, and Minnesota 38th.
You have too many photos on your phone.
Jerry “The Beaver” Mathers, the star of “Leave It to Beaver,” was born in Sioux City, Iowa.
BAD JOKES DEPARTMENT
At a man’s funeral, his widow asked if anyone would like to say a word.
It was a literal crowd, so the first guy stood up and said, “Plethora.”
The widow said, “Thank you. That means a lot.”
The next person said, “Earth.”
The widow replied, “Thank you. That means the worldto me.”
The next fellow said, “Watering hole.”
The widow responded, “Thank you. I know you meant well.”
Another individual uttered, “Bargain.”
The widow countered with, “Thank you. That means a great deal.”
A man added, “Worcestershire.”
The widow said, “Thank you. I know that was hard for you to say.”
The final speaker said, "Defibrillator."
"Thanks. It's what he would have wanted,” said the deceased’s wife.
NATURE NOTES
The minimum temperature for honeybee flight is 54º. The optimum temperature for flight activity is 72-77º, but activity continues up to about 100º before declining. The University of Maine Cooperative Extension found that bumblebees fly in adverse weather conditions: temperatures lower than 55°, light rain, cloudy or foggy conditions, wind speeds higher than 15 mph, and poor light conditions.
Wild parsnip is an invasive plant that could cause painful skin burns when its sap comes into contact with skin exposed to sunlight. It’s a member of the carrot family with yellow, flat-topped flower clusters. It thrives in open, disturbed areas like roadsides and pastures.
Opossums don’t spend lengthy periods hanging by their tails or sleep while hanging by their tails. It's a common misconception perpetuated in cartoons. Their tails aren't strong enough to support their weight for more than a moment. Young opossums could hang in there, but not for long, because they don’t have the muscle structure necessary to hold the position. Opossums can use their prehensile tails like a fifth limb to aid in climbing trees and other structures, or for carrying bedding materials.
MEETING ADJOURNED
"Never lose a chance of saying a kind word."—William Makepeace Thackeray.